hunters and gatherers

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Today is the second day of Lent - aka the only 40 days in the year I have any type of will power against certain foods. I used to challenge myself to stop eating something unhealthy (99% of my diet), but then Adam had his come to Jesus talk with me about how I was just doing it for me and no other reason. (He shamed me into changing a bad habit of mine, instead.) However, when we went to our weekly come to Jesus talk at church last week, they encouraged us to fast. (Boo yah, Adam!). And then he closed by saying that this "wasn't to lose a few pounds for Spring Break". Damn, I was still in the wrong.

That useless story aside, the message did give me some negotiating power with Adam to do some sort of fast. We've decided to do try the Paleo Diet and to only drink booze two days a week. What is the Paleo Diet, you ask? I am one day into it (which makes me an expert), and I can tell you that it's not fun by any stretch of the imagination.

Let me just walk you through Day One of Paleo...

7:00am - Walked Ruthie and felt so pumped about starting this new challenge.
8:00am - Opened the fridge and made/ate my breakfast: blueberries and strawberries - I love fruit, this is going to be awesome! Made my lunch: a banana and grapes.
10:00am - I'm hungry, but I don't want to waste my small ration.
12:00pm - I'm HUNGRY. I eat my banana.
12:01pm - SO.HUNGRY. I eat my grapes.
1:30pm - Everyone in the office can hear my stomach rumbling.
3:00pm - Who am I? Where am I? Did I wear a coat today?
5:00pm - Head straight to Wal Mart. This is 2013, there have to be better options. I wander around (because at this point I barely know my name) and try to find raisins. Wind up buying Larabars (because they're Paleo-friendly) and sunflower kernels. Someone stops me in the wine aisle "You look like you drink a lot of wine... Can you help?" In my head I'm thinking "I WILL ONLY HELP IF YOU BUY ME A BOTTLE", but I'm a nice person and this poor guy is clueless (put down the Arbor Mist).
5:25pm - Scarf down the Larabar on the way to my car (what does my car look like, again?). IT TASTES SO GOOD WHEN IT HITS THE LIPS. Shortly after, receive a text from Meagan saying I can't eat peanuts (who knew they weren't actually nuts?). I glance at the wrapper I've licked clean - Peanut. I've already cheated on accident.
5:30pm - Walk in the house and try to hang my keys on the TV (my brain clearly hasn't had its share of the Larabar).
6:00pm - Attempt to make some sort of edible meal without using anything yummy. End up marinating chicken in olive oil, basil and oregano (have to Google "how to cook chicken on the stove" - embarrassed of myself). Also steam green peppers with olive oil and basil (don't know what I was trying to accomplish here). I burn the chicken. Dinner is disgusting.
8:30pm - Adam got a flat tire on the way to class, so I pick him up. Spend the whole ride whining about how terrible this is and he needs to go ahead and figure out how to make me something delicious. (Also warn him that dinner is disgusting. He says it's GREAT - he's a doll - but only eats half.)
11:00pm - I've worn myself out complaining about this stupid idea. Time for bed.

So how do I feel after day one? HUNGRY.


  1. Hahaha! I'm sorry to laugh at your pain, but this post cracked me up.

  2. Also, I'm feeling pretty guilty about giving you that Chick-fil-a calendar for Christmas-in-February.


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